Lil Wayne - Mirror ft. Bruno Mars

In loving memory of my Grandfather.

I chanced upon this photo, taken in glee with my maternal grandfather by using my uncle's then-new iphone. Was clearing my downloads when i decided to open this picture file, simply titled photo1. After his passing, my cousins and sister were all able to resurface pictures they had taken with Gong Gong a year or two years ago, whereas i wasn't able to find any. It was further depressing...but i'm glad i've found a glimpse of my happy times with Gong Gong. Taken on 11th June 2011.7. At about 7.10pm i suppose.

I thought that it was going to be easier as time passed, but i still miss him, his concern and one-of-a-kind humour. I can still remember his taut face, him sleeping, in the open casket and then through the glass, his face so unlike the one that was smiling in his funeral picture. The one that was taken during the last chinese new year he has spent with us, him in his brand-new maroon traditional chinese top, witha vase of beautiful flowers in the background on his left. And the bashful smile on his chubby face, a look that my cousin summed it up in her words that she wanted 'to just give him a big hug' on the first or was it the second day of the funeral.

He is gone, that is life. There is hurt, in life and death.

Thank you for fighting thus far.

to










you never know if that fat kid you're bullying will be the one who will bully your heart when he grows up~~.

Seeing that it's my last weekday rest before 5+ months of tiresome school starts lolling ahead like the head of a zombie, well me more like it. These past few weeks in December has been blissful, although quarrels with my dad practically on a daily basis was a O.K price to pay for enjoying my book luck at the library and subsequently devouring book after book. Book luck, that's necessary i feel. It's been long time coming since i've enjoyed reading without the conscious need to analyze the subtext, verbatim,incongruous notions etc... The coming monday will mark the end of my solace. Nevertheless, the thought of learning another new language; Korean, is like a ray of sunlight in that heartbreaking gloom. Ok, it's not that bad, at least i'm going to be in almost all the same class as my good friend, and with the need to start improving my grades (one that i should,no,will prioritize over the analysis of the lecture/class/discussion drowning in boredom or not...sigh,i think that's called maturity).

Anyway, i decided to blogged in so many months because a number of things were on my mind, though i've already let out one. I've come to realized with my own eyes that young girls are seriously naive and annoying, well not generally but let me scrutinized the category further. Those who are in secondary school, who are in a relationship (regardless if their boyfriends are of the same age or older than them), and who are obviously reluctant to be 'intimate' with their boyfriends but succumb to it anyway. If you happen to be a young, pretty little naive girl and that's your situation now, O.M.G BREAK UP BI-,i mean. SILLY THING. A very, annoyingly good example was that day on the bus when i was sitting on the upper deck of a double decker bus with my mum, and this atrocious secondary school couple was being extremely annoying.

At the point of time, i have to interject to defend myself (although imho there really is no need, i mean hello,PREGNANCY,ABORTION,DEPRESSION,WORTHLESS BOYFRIEND are words that say.it.all.) firstly, not that i've been through it *touch wood*and know the pitfalls i'm just giving my angry two cents worth. Secondly, for the prevention of unwanted babies. Thirdly, prevention of being just a 'play thing' to a horny teen...although this Brazilian model is really cute..PREGNANCY,ABORTION,DEPRESSION,WORTHLESS BOYFRIEND

PREGNANCY,ABORTION,DEPRESSION,WORTHLESS BOYFRIEND,CONTEMPLATION OF SUICIDE,END OF LIFE it isn't worth it~. You can ogle, but don't...snog-gle? UNLESS THE BRAZILIAN MODEL BECOMES YOUR HUSBAND THAT IS.

Back to the matter on hand, the couple behind my mum and I were apparently a young couple cause they were freaking wearing their school uniform: Tanglin Secondary School. And were making so much noises, i kept glaring back at them. Had the right to, it's a public place and they were even wearing their uniform. Brazen much? Horny much? I mean the guy, that young boy, was horny. OMG he kept stuffing his face to the poor, innocent, bespectacled girl who was nevertheless, dumb because despite her whiny deterrence..which was as effective as stopping North Korea's nuclear development, did nothing to stop Horny Boy. Nom Nom Nom Nom, he went at her face. Their noises were so loud, puh-leeze. And, ok, i kept throwing dirty looks at them,well, guess what it didn't work. The supreme abilities of hormonal rage. When the boy got off the bus, i duly began my one-sided conversation with my mum about o'levels being 'incredibly important', but if one might not do well if one was pregnant and had to be rushed to deliver a baby. But it would be alright because one 'could give birth to not only 1 but 20 over children anyway'. I didn't know if she got the message through, but i hope she did. Can't young lil' things learn to assert their opinion with guys..are females meant to be subjugated my males? Blatantly oppressed as things for their satisfaction? I believe it isn't entirely true. Yet, despite woman's progression in society, posters of 'hot' female celebrities/models seem to dictate otherwise.

Ultimately, i think a human being shouldn't take advantage of another no matter physically, emotionally and regardless of the relationships;lesbian,gay and the types of relationships...

Argument: Using the Computer for 'Too Long', and That It Has Been Used to Watch BB Videos

My stand is obviously that i have not, and my reasons are as such
1) i've only used it for 2 hrs today.
2) i was not watching big bang stuff, in fact i was watching a movie on funshion.
3) my exams ended on thursday,given that i have not 'hogged' the computer for the entire duration of my exam preparation except for the fact that i have used it for at the maximum time 30 mins. It's only the next freaking day after the end of exams that i've started using it the comp for more than an hour.

Counter-arguments:
Given that my dearest sister has sabotaged me in the usage of the comp from my father with the accuation of 'Using the Computer for 'Too Long', and That It Has Been Used to Watch BB Videos'
With the argument of the duration of comp usage, assuming that the duration of comp usage were on the days of my exam prep in addition to my day's usage on this very day, before 3pm. Also, with the assumption that 'Too Long' means more than 2 hours.
1)If my 2hr of comp usage is 'Too Long', your usage of it from 8-11am on friday morning, wasn't 'Too Long'?
2)my usage today was to watch a movie that had absolutely, irrevocably not about big bang, it is not that i am defensive but it is the truth and 'nothing but the truth', what more your blatant statement that my purpose of using the computer was all for watching bb vids, what more that the usage was 'Too Long'. (Refer to argument 1)

I think it is 'pleasant' that you assert your judgment as such, and that you may bring up points of my faults on that same action,that i have missed in your defense but that statement of yours is a sweeping statement and your accusation that would have sabotaged me was stupid as well as futile.

as i grow older i kinda abashedly admit that i further crave being hand-held,spoon-fed, even force-fed so long as i know i'm fed the right food and i'll be fine in the end. I think that's the way it works, this small but growing seed of thought/desire to want to be hand-held until the point when you get older,as in to have genuinely aged, do you (might or might not) revert to child-like ways of which you become senile, and hopefully have loved ones to hand hold you all the way till you come one full circle from birth.

i don't know if i lack the discipline or i'm such a buddhist-hipster (lemme explain later.) nothing really really REALLY matters. Or maybe i'm just in such a sloth-like condition JUST right now, but hey my fingers are moving, i'm not in too much a mood to care about anything except to talk about my feelings. Which reminds me of my almost non-existential cycle, omg was it the testosterone that surfaced (when the Victoria's Secret Show advertorial flashed across the tv on channel 5 ) overpowerd my estrogen. Omg I CAN DATE VS ANGELS NOW WITH NO PREJUDICES FROM SOCIETY~~.

kidding. Ok, this post was inspired by _ _ _ life. Afraid to type the short form of the classification of the insituition i'm in now cause i might be called a baby. Which honestly,i feel like being one now. All you have to worry about is milk time, worrying about your soiled bum, when your next new soft toy is going to come. I mean, going to arrive into your arms.

Literature is making me crazy; I-don't-know-what-on-earth-you're-talking-about Crazy and Symbolic-Crazy and a million other crazies which would soon com- arrive in my head if i can chase after my readings omg. I read somewhere, or was it during lecture, how this famous literary male figure (FLMF)was laughed at by his juniors/employees for smoking a cigarette, because (NEWS FLASH,was to me then at least) a cigarette was/is a phallic symbol so FLMF was like giving a ...so he replied ' a cigarette is (sometimes)just a cigarette' i bracketted 'sometimes' cause i'm not too sure if he said that.



ok, so sometimes i have this identity crisis with my believes, alright so i have perfect understanding regarding the value of compassion...admitedly my discipline in practicing Compassion falls short most of the time when i get angry with my sister but thankfully now she's the BIGGER person,HAHAHA psycho pun and laughter with 'Bigger', who apologises first in her fast apologetic speech which she has mastered after recent bickerings..'i'm sorry pls forgive me so i can be a better person..' and other shock-worthy vocabulary until i shock her back (this evening) when i said 'i'm sorry i wrote in your school book'. In my fit of psychotic abnormal-hormonal rage, i wrot- scrawled in her book (just ONE clean page) why i was angry with her the crzy itch.

I figured that i've lost my steam to elaborate on not so much the values but the advice to live by. But..i'll just give a quick example off the top of my head, so i kinda have this drilled into my head by my fanatic watching of Journey to the West (my qualifier: 'fanatic' is not so much the fanatical watching of each episodes non-stop but rather the intent attention fixed on the episode that i chance upon on tv.)'Form is voidness, voidness is form'. So it's like form is nothing, voidness is nothing so nothing is nothing, nothing is nothing. And how Attachment is Suffering (true in all instances,discover it yourself) but if you let go of all Attachment, my attachement to goals etc,sure it is extraoridinarily liberating because one is free of one's mortal worries, on the other hand, the consequence (not so much in a negative light, depending on one's stance) would be for one to spend the remaining of one's life in a monastry where one's mortal worries i.e clothes, food, family, money would not surface but rather the accumulation of good merit (beneficial to oneself as well as others) would/could be one's priority. Which is not selfish at all,because to reap good merit for oneself one has to do good deeds that would benefit others too.

guess i made more steam.
gahs,i think i have a lot more to learn. Right now i just pray that everything goes ok hereone, i mean i have come thus far to where i am today, no doubt not a great feat but oh my goodness...years of painful math, I STILL HATE YOU TRIGO. BURN IN -, FINALLY OVER. CAN YOU HEAR ME SALVA BY LIBERIA PLAYING? Go youtube it!!

Linking back to my previous post in july, i survived Sports Camp but goodness knows how i almost died/force myself to kinda die. It was crazy;insufficient sleep for the entire 7 days, horny penalties and games (damn did i play those games seriously cause hel-lo penalties were even worse)

In 25 mins i'll be leaving the comfort of my house to be thrust out into the humid,sweaty embrace of the..sports camp activities.

I just want to let my loved ones know that i love them, and that no matter what happens they'll always be in my heart. I want to say a big thank you to all my awesome friends, those whom i've met up with in these 2 months. Couldn't have gone through all the grueling academic stuff without you guys!! I miss Charmaine.:( I hope she is well and will be for the rest of her life.:(

If this was going to be my last meal i wouldn't have chose cold sushi but..oh well, that's just my subconsciousness comforting me that all is not lost and my (damn hearty) last meal will be when i'm 99 or who knows, perhaps 120, or something.

I know i'm pretty much a drama mama, but then i can't help it sincei'll be studying literature..and this is just mild compared to the time i came home after swimming 48 laps( that's 24 official-olympic laps, all for the sake of my survival in this up-coming harsh,harsh camp) so i greeted my mum but she ignored me. I headed back to my room and the thought struck me, in all seriousness: Could I be dead? That's why mum couldn't hear me and thus didn't respond???????? Thankfully, not long after my mum came into my room to talked to me,so i kinda felt relief FIRST, before i felt silly. hur hur.

till then, pray for my survival. Pray that i will THRIVEEEEE!!

toodulu

GUMMY "LOVE RECIPE" M/V [HD]

gummy's voice is amazing and like what one youtuber commented, i love it how it's about a cute labrador(a golden retriever would totally make my cry :')) rather than a man. I had to choke back tears the first time i watched it at work. I have such a soft spot for the special relationship shared between owner and dog.:') Ironically,i have never had a dog for a pet. ARGH. Sigh, i think the mv is so touching..and i think it's about the love for her dog. Ok a tiny, tiny part of me thinks and tries to argue otherwise, which is pretty sick..but whatever OMG i do not want to ruin this mv. I want to watch this mv a milion times and get the same :'') feeling, much like happy-sad-happy tears.


Since i've stop this blogging drought temporarily I might as well continue a little bit more. I will be attending a orientation camp and maan,it's back to making new friends. Not that it's much of a chore, definitely not, although we do kid around on the number of times we have to introduce ourselves if we are going for more than 1 camp plus the official orientation week. My mum has given me this more-solemn-than-necessary pep talk on what to wear to school and more importantly what not to wear. She warned me not to wear shorts and slippers cause it's so sloppy and one should have some self-respect. Uhm. Then my cousin added without spite but with quite an amused grin that some people come to lecture looking like they are going to run off LATER. As in i guess the most comfortable attire; t-shirt and sports shorts. I don't know maan, shan't judge others when i don't know whether i'll succumb to the temptation of 'sloppy wear'. *cue screams of murder* idk idk. But i think for the first month everybody will wear nicely at the very least, i think?

For one i know i'm one of the least consistent person that i know off. Least consistent in the sense of..outer appearance i guess? I don't know if it's a good thing or bad, i guess it really depends on what you think is right. As in some people might think makeup is bad so one shouldn't put it on at all while others think if it enhances your looks then why not right? I admit my mindset is the latter but my limbs do not think so..sometimes i'm so lazy i don't put anything at all, but then again that depends on where i'm heading out. Hmm I think the environment, place and the frequency of my visits to the place really defines my 'consistency'. An example would be during my internship for the 8 weeks there i made sure i had something on, like at the very least i would fill in my brows.(because my eyebrows are totally folically-challenged , thanks to mum's genes.:P) Ok but i think there were only one or two days when i was totally bare faced, and even then i had on lens-free specs to cover my face. One thing i love about that place was how individualistic you can be, and the creativity you are allowed to bask in. :) Plus this subtle pressure on 'style' that i felt. Idk if it was just my mindset on the industry or what but i had fun no doubt.

Now that i'm working at a tuition centre, i'm utterly free and un-pressured to make up and barely 3 weeks i've already switched back to my good ol' specs. Hmm. Coming back to the idea of dressing up for school, i think it'll have to depend on the environment. Idk. Maybe it's my subconcious excuse which i have now conciously realized. OTOKE?



Oh yeah my sister is having a cold war with me cause i called her a liar. Wheeeeee we are 7 year oldsss!!! x)) why must lie when you like t_ _ c_ _ _ _e? I think she's trying to break her cold war record.